world cup final prediction

Lazy press stories about world cup matches are rife with ethnic and racial stereotypes about different nations – it makes me sick!  So here is my world cup final prediction for Spain-Netherlands tomorrow:

The Spanish will begin with an Inquisition (because nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition) and press the Dutch side to confess to their sins.  The Dutch will hold firm and respond with Spinoza’s philosophy, holding the line against the Spanish attack  with a reasoned argument of god as an abstract concept.  Halftime will end in a draw with the Spanish retreating to ransack the new world and the Dutch to the African colonies, where they will harvest mahogany to make light and fast wooden clogs which are fast on the pitch and hurt the shins of the Spanish.

After the half the Spanish will switch tactics and Cesc Fabregas will use the arguments of St. Thomas Aquinas to beguile the Dutch defense, thereby obtaining > 60% of possession and argument time, leading to a goal.  1-0 Spain, 70’.

The lead will not hold though as the Netherlands through everything they’ve got into the canal – Van Goghs from Vincent to Theo – to tie the game at 1-1 in the 80th minute and leave the Spanish tilting at windmills.

Finally the draw will be broken in a stroke of tactical genius by Del Bosque as the Spanish introduce a traffic light with the red ‘don’t walk’ alight at midfield.  Everyone knows the Dutch won’t cross an intersection with the “Don’t Walk” signal lit, regardless of traffic or situation, so they will use this fact to their advantage and feed the ball to David Villa past the befuddled Dutch to score.  Final:  Spain 2 – 1 Netherlands.

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[ralph]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ur5fGSBsfq8